Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Why I'm not stepping on the scale

I promised myself when I restarted my Weight Watchers journey in earnest that I would not let myself make excuses not to weigh in. After all, that’s how I started regaining weight in the first place. As it turns out, I really need that accountability.

I’ve stuck to that—since the beginning of February. I’ve weighed in every week, whether I knew I’d be up or down. I accepted the triumph of consequence of the scale, no matter what.

But there’s a fine line between being accountable and allowing your entire mood to depend upon those glowing numbers on that little box. And today I’ve chosen my mental health over that scale.

I’ve made no secret that I suffer with depression and anxiety. I do a lot to combat that every day. But there are just some times that those little demons are overpowering me—and that’s where I’ve been the past two weeks.

My food has been terrible. I’ve been bingeing. Hiding food wrappers. Staying up late to eat in secret. Waking up early to continue. All things I did when I was young. Though I can’t pinpoint exactly why I’ve been feeling like this, I’m working to fix it. I’m spending time in prayer and in meditation each day. I’m going to therapy. I have a support group. And above all, I’m talking about it—to you, to my husband and even to myself. I’m not just putting my head in the sand and letting this take over me.

But I need to give myself a break and realize that the scale should be the least of my concerns right now. I weighed at home. I know what it says (it’s not as bad as I’d feared, thankfully)—I’m just not going to let it define me today.

So today I’m breaking my “no no weigh-ins” rule. And I’m OK with it. 

Because sometimes we have to realize that when it comes to our health, getting our heads right is just as important—if not more important—as getting our bodies right.