Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Life is perfect. No it's not.

So, my friend LaTonia sent me a funny picture today:

It's been a long time since something so funny summed up my not-so-funny feelings all at once.

I recently told someone that it seems like so many people's lives have become Christmas card letters. You know how those letters are only filled with the good things? Life is amazing and perfect and beautiful and wonderful and golly gee don't you wish you were me? In my Facebook world, three friends announced pregnancies last week, two more got engaged, several more have pictures of new boyfriends or girlfriends.

I wanted to post a picture of all the sweets I did NOT avoid at the Ronald McDonald House this weekend. My status might say something like, "Congrats on your fantastic lives! I ate my weight in cookies at the Ronald this weekend. Don't be jealous!"

Boy, bitterness is not a good color for me, is it? I think it kind of washes me out. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for my friends. And this is just my way of making things all about me (ask anyone, I'm super good at that). Other people's happiness--or lack thereof--does not determine my own.

So, I'm on a mission to find it. To work toward my own happiness. I know it's out there. I'm ready to hunt it down, kill it and eat it for dinner.

It would be much better for me than those cookies.

Friday, August 24, 2012

No one likes a quitter

When I first started Weight Watchers, our leader, Dee, put a sticker on the front of my book. It has her name, the location of our meeting and five really important words that I seem to forget sometimes:

Quitting is not an option.

I know some of you have been with me a long time. You've read my ups and downs. You've read my self-pitying, my self-loathing. You've read some self-congratulating, too.You've even read about how much I've wanted to quit. But I haven't.

That's because those five words--quitting is not an option--actually mean something to me this time around. But during my down times, where I feel like I've been for a few months now, quitting sometimes feels like the only option.

So today I wanted to talk about why it's not an option. I need to remember these reasons when I just feel like giving up. This journey is pretty freaking tough. There are hills and valleys, twists and turns. Sometimes I feel defeated. But I need to remember the times of triumph too.

Quitting is not an option, why?

  • I've seen that I can indeed accomplish great things.
  • I want to be fully free from the chains of food.
  • I need to believe that there are great things ahead for me.
  • I can never go back to the person I was.
  • I owe it to not only myself, but to everyone (and there are a LOT of you) who has supported me along the way.
  • I want to be the person I was created to be--full of love, happiness, joy--not held down by despair.
  • Because I have shared my story with so many people, I have erased the shame that has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.
  • There are superficial reasons--I like shopping in regular stores, not worrying if a seat belt will fit, not worrying if I'm the fattest person in the room (OK, I still do that).
  • I want to be strong and powerful and beautiful.
  • Because...it just isn't.
There may be more, but today, quite honestly, I'm struggling a bit to remember them. I know I've been pretty down for a while. I'm not going to apologize for that (mostly because you guys yell at me when I do). Thanks to those of you who always remind me that I've got this. What I realize now, is that whether I reach my goals soon, or am still trying when I'm100 years old, the important thing is that I'm not giving up. Ever.

So, nope. Quitting will never be an option for me.

Remind me of that when I start whining again, won't you?

And tell me...what are reasons quitting isn't an option for you, either?

Friday, August 10, 2012

This and that

*peeks head around corner*

Hi, everyone. I'm here. I know I've been quiet the past few weeks (and how many blog entries do I start out with that sentence?). I'm doing OK. I'm admittedly battling a few inner (and outer, it seems) demons, but I'm hanging in there. And lately I just haven't felt much like talking about it.

I thought I'd do a little odds and ends post today, including a few new favorites.

  • Finished my second month of boot camp. Gave up Diet Coke (see bullet three). Watched my food. Did well.
  • Lost 2.8 at WW this week. A loss, finally.
  • Back on the sauce. Oh, Diet Coke, you're like the ex-boyfriend I can't quit.
  • Have been in a bit of a food rut the past couple of weeks. I did super-well counting my points at least last month. But I'm in a place where I'm kind of sick of food. Nothing sounds good to me. Please send me some new, easy ideas. Feeling a big desperate. Avocado always preferred.
  • While I was doing boot camp, I canceled my gym membership to my beloved Ladies Workout Express. I'm trying to pare down my expenses a bit, and I have a gym in my apartment complex and the classes here at Children's I can do. Still, it will be a little tricky to stay motivated without the structure of boot camp. And y'all know I need me some structure. I'll keep you posted on my workout goals (um, as soon as I come up with some).

A few favorites:
Cherries! So, for years and years, I thought cherries were just bright red things that came in a jar (and went into a cocktail). But this summer, I've discovered the candy-sweet yumminess of dark red fresh cherries. I've been eating them like crazy. Bonus? Spitting seeds is fun!
Salmon Magic: This is yet another recommendation from my friend Laura (the mashed cauliflowtatoes goddess, herself). She told me about this seasoning, which, at least in my grocery store, is found near the dry seasonings and spices. And it's fantastic. If you look up a review of it, you can see people are obsessed with it. I put it on salmon and was so sad when I took my last bite. It is indeed magic, and would be great on other kinds of fish, chicken and probably even veggies. I'm in love with Chef Paul and his jaunty little cap.
Smart Ones Mini Cheeseburgers: I have probably talked about these before, but I love these little Smart Ones cheeseburgers. Be forewarned. These are tiny, y'all. They're more of a slider, I'd say. And they're 5 PointsPlus, which is kind of a lot for something so small. Still, I get major burger cravings, and these help to curb them. A small confession: sometimes I eat one for breakfast. Yeah, I said it.

Laughing Cow Cinnamon Cream Cream Cheese Spread
This stuff is yummy. But hard to find. I can only find it at Walmart, though I daresay it's worth the trip. I've put it on a sandwich thin, and an apple. It's got just a hint of cinnamon, making a yummy salty/sweet combo. Good stuff.

So there. You can stop bugging me about not writing now, k? Thanks for being worried about me. I'll post more next week. Until then, please do send your food ideas. I'm counting on y'all to break me from my boring rut.