Monday, February 15, 2010

Lead me not into temptation; I can get there all by myself

First of all, I want to thank all of you who wrote to me, left a comment, called me or said something to me in person about my first entry. Admittedly, I was extremely nervous to put myself out there the way I did, but as I told many of you, your response made it all worthwhile.

Some of you poured your hearts out to me. You shared with me your own triumphs, your struggles and your heartaches. I can’t tell you how much that meant. Please know that we’re in this together. I’m just one girl who happens to be blogging. But my goal is that you think of me as yourself. Just another person who has to fight this battle every day. Some days I succeed and others, I fail. I just want to win the war.

So, look what I got last week:

Can you see it? It’s a tiny little star that says 5 lbs. Yep, I lost my first 5 lbs. I’m happy about it. But I’m also trying not to focus on how many more of those I need. My mind can be a dangerous place. I swear there’s a little evil man in there yelling at me, “Five pounds isn’t enough, Erika. Why don’t you just quit? You’ll never get there. It’s too much. It’s too far.”

I refuse to let him win. So, if you ever see a crazy girl walking around the Park, having a silent argument and punching the air, that’s just me, fighting the little evil man in my head. I think he needs a name, don’t you? Suggestions welcome.

Last week was a pretty good one for me. It was the weekend, though, where I had to fight the hardest. I’m a weekend manager at the Ronald McDonald House near Children’s at Scottish Rite. Once a month, I stay at the Ronald, as I call it, so the House manager can have a break. I’ve been doing this for about four years now and I love it. It gives me a great opportunity to interact with the patients and families of Children’s, which is important because I write about people like them every day.

It also gives me a chance to eat. And eat a LOT. The House is a compulsive overeater’s best dream and worst nightmare. Cookies, cakes, candy, chips, yummy homemade food of every type. Every weekend I work there, I make a pact with myself to avoid the unhealthier foods. It’s a pact I break every weekend.

Here’s a sample of this weekend’s yummy fare. It was extra exciting, because many of our wonderful, kind, well-meaning donors had brought treats for Valentine’s Day.

Hershey's Kisses.

King cake.


More cookies.

Oh look. More cookies.

Heart-shaped pizza from Papa John's, just for Valentine's Day.

And here’s one of the snacks I actually ate.

Hi, I’m an orange. But you can pretend I’m really a piece of cake if it helps.

I’m happy to report that I walked out of the Ronald for the first time ever still feeling good about myself. I brought my own food. I didn’t binge. I even avoided the kitchen unless necessary. And because I’m still working on this “being in the light” thing, when people asked me why I was eating my own Weight Watchers pizza instead of the Papa John’s pizza, I told them honestly that I was trying to change my life.

I did allow myself one Hershey’s Kiss, though. Happy Valentine’s Day to me.

I hope you are all doing well on your own paths. Just remember, day by day, my friends.

P.S. I wanted to let the first entry simmer, but I plan to update at least two or three times a week, so check back often. Also, I know for some of you, the comment section is blocked, but please e-mail me if that’s the case. I try to respond to everyone. Your feedback keeps me going!


Anonymous said...

Erika - I am SO PROUD of you and what you're doing through this blog - both for yourself and for others. What a big accomplishment to have left your weekend at the Ronald after having been strong and resisting the many temptations around you! Wow! You're proving to yourself that you're stronger than you think! Keep it up and know that you have my support 100%! I'll write back when I think of a name for that voice inside your head!

Lindsay said...

What an AMAZING job you did this weekend at the RMH Erika!!! You really are stronger and more motivated than you give yourself credit for and I know this will be one of the toughest but MOST REWARDING journeys in your ENTIRE life! You can do it!!! Keep fighting Lil man in your head and do it for yourself! You are such an incredible woman and I feel honored to know you but even more excited to come back for the reunion in Oct. to see your progress!!! <3 Lindsay C.

Tiffany said...

It is freaking amazing that you resisted all those goodies! I would never have been able to. Seriously. Go Erika, Go!

Anonymous said...

I'm so proud of you for resisting all those treats (truth be told, though, those cookies looked kind of gross! I would not have been able to resist the kisses. Glad you let yourself have one-- it's just the taste we need, sometimes. I'm so glad you are going to be writing often-- I can't wait to read more about your journey.

Anonymous said...

That's awesome about your 5 pound loss! Way to go!!!! :-)

Anonymous said...

I'm so proud of you for getting your 5 pound star!

Laurie said...

You are so funny with the cookie pics....and guess what? Today(Wed.) at the Ronald, there are about 4 more types of cookies to choose from, along with two different types of cupcakes and more candies than Target the week before Halloween! AAAAAGGGHHHH!

Hang in there, Erika, you are doing GREAT!

Kelly Whelchel said...

That is awesome!! I too know how hard it is. I told my husband I was going to throw away all the Valentines Day candy. I am doing Weight Watchers myself. It is a great program, you just have to stick with it. I have found a lot of really fill, GOOD, low point meals. Stick with it girl. And thanks a million for doing this blog. I love to read it.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on the 5LB star....I remember when I received mine. Its an awesome feeling! Ride that High! And best of luck in your weight loss journey. It's truly a lifestyle change.

I'm glad to see that you allowed yourself one hershey's kiss.....there is nothing wrong w/ treating yourself! Happy Valentines Day to you!

-Natalie O. (fellow coworker and weight loss struggler!)