This weekend, I learned that apparently little Quinn and I have a lot in common. I, too, ignored the consequences.
I didn’t want to write today. I wanted to ignore the past few days and pretend it didn’t happen, and I definitely dreaded facing you guys. But that’s not what I’ve promised to do. And that’s not what’s going to help any of us in the long run.
I went to the Ronald, all set with my own food. I started off well, but it quickly turned to disaster. I had what were perhaps my worst food days since I started all this. I won’t go into detail, to save at least a little dignity. But I will say it involved chocolate cake—and not just one piece. And that wasn't all of it.
It’s devastating. I don’t know what came over me. The only thing I can peg is that I’m deliberately sabotaging myself. I’m very close to a major weight loss milestone. Maybe I’m not ready to accept that I actually deserve it.
It’s a hard pill to swallow. I keep talking about how much I have changed. I still believe that to be true. But now I know that this is something I may have to deal with my entire life. Man, that hurts.
So last night, I cried myself to sleep. But this morning, I got up and packed my clothes for the gym.
I have no choice but to keep trying.
*Thanks to the Beastie Boys for the blog title.
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5 comments:
Peaks and valleys. Peaks and valleys. Peaks and valleys.
Perfection isn't an option. You're good...but nobody's that good. Now get back on the %@&# horse and rock it, girl.
PS - The Beastie Boys are now rick-rolling in my head. Luckily, that's not a bad thing. : )
Its the journey, not the destination that is important. We live and we learn by experiencing life and making mistakes. You are still doing great so don't beat yourself up too much for a minor delay.
P.S. I found with my cat that the water gun didn't work either. The only thing that did finally work was ignoring him entirely and pretending I was still asleep for just a few mornings until he took the hint that his tactics didn't work. Then he stopped.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I HAVE LOST AND GAINED THE SAME FIVE POUNDS OVER AND OVER FOR THE LAST 6 MONTHS. AT LEAST YOU ARE DEFINITELY GOING SOMEWHERE AND YOU DO DESERVE IT. IF ANYONE DESERVES TO REACH HER GOAL, IT IS YOU.
(PS I'M NOT YELLING WHEN I USE ALL CAPS. I'M EITHER EXCITED OR IRRITATED OR BOTH + I HAVE LAZY FINGERS)
Hang in there, Erika - you're doing great - thanks for being so open with everyone - Peaks and valleys - that's exactly it - and it's the fact that you can now quickly jump back on the horse that makes you different and stronger from the person you were before - you can recongize and move on - not slump back into the same bad behaviors - sweat an extra hour this week and make healthy choices and last weekend will be but a distant memory. You are awesome!!!
I also do the same thing- I'll see the numbers improve and then promptly over indulge to the extreme. I think I also am sabotaging myself. At least you are looking at the possible reasons why you do this rather than just giving up.
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