Friday, September 24, 2010

Egomaniac

I call it the “do you know who I am?” syndrome. There are just some days when my ego gets in the way.

It’s usually when I’m in a food or scale situation. Let me give some examples.

A few months ago, I had an appointment with a Children’s trainer who I hadn’t yet met. It was an assessment to get measurements and to take the step test—a requirement for the Strong4Life portion of Weight Watchers.

As Cami was doing my measurements, I felt the words bubbling in my throat. Then I blurted them out:

“So, I’m not sure if you’ve seen it, but I actually write a blog that’s posted on Careforce about my weight loss.”

Immediately I chastised myself. Oy, I sound like an idiot. But I have this need to tell people where I’ve been and where I’m heading. I did it this week when I visited a new doctor. I immediately told the nurse, as she was weighing me, that I had recently lost 70 pounds.

I did it at the wellness fair last month, too. When I was discussing my results with the technician, I made sure she knew how much weight I lost.

To me, it’s like when you have a ginormous zit on your chin. When that happens to me, I like to point it out before other people have the chance to say anything. I did the same thing with my weight for years. I’ll make the fat girl jokes, thank you very much, not you.

Now it’s a little different. I guess I want to make sure I let people know that yes, I’m still overweight, but I’m working on it. And this is how far I’ve come. That way I avoid the “you really need to lose weight” discussion. Duh. I know.

But last week, I took it to a whole new level. Lately, I’ve been swinging by Taco Bell for quick dinners. It happens mostly after Zumba. Something about those Latin rhythms inspires taco cravings, I guess.

Taco Bell, as embarrassing as it is to admit, was always one of my major binges. But now I love that I can swing through the drive-through and pick up a fresco taco (without cheese or sour cream) to satisfy my craving in a healthy way.

The last time I went through the drive-through at the Taco Bell near my house, the employee who was serving me actually remembered me. I was mortified. It makes sense, though. I always have the same order. I always pull up in my workout clothes, my hair back and face flushed from exertion.

“Hey! Fresco girl!” he said to me.

“Oh my gosh. You recognize me. That’s awful,” I replied. “At least I’m getting healthy stuff. I’m down 70 pounds.”

Dude. I had to justify myself to the Taco Bell drive-through guy. How sad is that? I might have my food relatively well-handled but we’re going to have to have a talk about my ego. It’s clearly raging out of control.

3 comments:

mary anna said...

Ego or not, you're wonderful! :)

Anonymous said...

This sounds like a self confidence issue- you were hiding behind the "big girl" jokes and now you are hiding behind the "well yeah I'm still overweight but at least I've gone this far... right?".

Have you taken the time to review and reaffirm why you want to lose weight? Remember, the self confidence isn't gained just by dropping numbers off the scale. You are having a huge LIFESTYLE change and if you don't own it without self doubt, you won't be able to enjoy your successes fully.

Also 100 by your anniversary- doable but stay safe! It is really close to losing too much per week...

Kate Stice said...

Hi again! (I'm catching up on all of your blog today!)

I feel the same way! Now I'll do the same thing: in 2009 I lost 25 pounds and have managed to keep it off. I feel like I should tell people this any time I talk about fitness or weight or food... Sooo at over 75lbs you have all the right in the world. In my head, it gives you credibility. No worries :)

Keep up the good work!!!!!