Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I choose joy

I have a friend who epitomizes what I like to call the "buck up, little camper" mentality. She's positive in the face of adversity. When she's down, she listens to Gospel music. When she's struggling with things in her life, she tries to focus on the good.

I wish I were more like her.

Last week, I was wallowing. Big time. Why am I so unhappy? Why can't I focus on the good? My friend and I were emailing last Friday when I was feeling blah. She reminded me of the good things in my life: I have a job. Family, friends and a boyfriend who loves me. My health. A place to live. So much more than so many people in this world.

What I don't have, she told me, was a grateful heart. And when I was stubborn and insisted on staying in my "poor me" state, she told me she was not going to talk to me for the rest of the day.

I understood. I don't want to be a negative Nelly. I don't want to pull others into my pool of self-pity. In fact, I don't want to swim there, either. It's far too shallow, and damn if I don't keep scraping myself on the bottom of it.

I spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about my friend. About my grateful heart. I don't know where it's been lately. But I'm trying desperately to find it again.

Happiness isn't hard. Sure, we deal with struggles. We have heartbreak. But we can choose joy. We--I--have the power, every single day, to make that choice.

I've been focusing on the negative for far too long. I remember when I first started this journey. I had such excitement and hope. Yeah, it's been a long time since I started, but there's no reason I can't still feel that.

So that will be my focus. A grateful heart. Joy. Keeping my power.

And hopefully, soon, I'll be able to say that my wish came true--I AM more like my friend.

Thanks, T. :)


Anonymous said...

It seems like you focus a lot on regret which brings on depression. People who live in the past are depressed. People who live in the future are anxious. Live for now and you will be happier. And "In all things, give thanks". Not just the good ones. Hard to do, you bet, but it helps. I swear.

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