Friday, May 10, 2013

The dog ate my blog

Yeah. March 14. Last blog. And it was a doozy, right? I've HATED leaving that one up there, but I just haven't seemed to find the motivation to write recently.

I'm well aware that I'm in danger of returning to my old ways. I don't think I'll ever be THAT girl again--the one who was basically a food robot, who avoided self-awareness. But I do teeter on the edge of either not caring and/or not believing I have it in me to keep going.

But I'm here.

I have a picture on my desk of my boyfriend and me at my best friend's wedding. I love it. I'm in my bridesmaid's dress. He's in a suit. We look happy. And bonus, because he's so tall, I look tiny.This, people notice.

A few people have seen the picture on my desk, which has resulted in the following conversation (more than once):

Person: "Oh, is that you and your boyfriend?"
Me: "Yep. At my best friend's wedding."
Person: "Wow, that's a great picture, you guys look great together, he's adorable (something along those lines). You look skinny! When was this taken?"
Me: "March."
Person: "Like a couple of months ago, March? Wow."

So, first of all, the picture is a really good angle. Any social media savvy person worth her salt knows all about good angles, amiright or amiright? Second of all, I was a little skinnier. But just a little.

Third of all, maybe the well-intentioned person did not, in fact, mean that I look like a big fat cow now. Maybe I just took it that way. That seems silly, though. Me? Misinterpret something? Crazy talk.

Anyway. I'm taking it personally because it's how I feel about myself right now. So let's break down the things that I'm doing that are not-so right and see what we (or, well, I, at least) can do to fix it.

The problem:
Not eating breakfast. This was a big issue for me before I started getting healthier. Breakfast is indeed the most important part of the day. I recently moved to a new building, as opposed to the one that was across the street from our cafeteria. It makes it harder to get my egg white omelets and I end up either picking up something not-so-healthy from a fast food place, or eating some crackers or something from the vending machine.
How I'm trying to fix it:
I've started making what I call egg cupcakes. I spray a muffin tin with Pam, line each cup with a piece of turkey bacon. Whisk up a few egg whites/egg yolks (I make six of them, so I use four egg whites and two yolks), pour them in, bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees and voila! You can also put cheese or veggies in there to bulk them up a bit. They reheat great and it makes a healthy breakfast on the go MUCH easier.

The problem:
Not drinking enough water. I actually like water. I'm a lucky one. I don't need to add flavors or lemon or anything else. Just plain, cold water will do. But lately, it's been one Diet Coke after another.
How I'm trying to fix it:
I can always tell when I haven't had enough water, because my headaches are worse. I'm prone to headaches anyway, but without enough water drinking, they're off the charts. I need to stick to my "one Diet coke a day" rule. The rest should be water.

The problem:
Stopping at EVERY candy dish in the office. My candy sneakage was especially bad around Easter. I mean, hello peanut butter eggs.  
How I'm trying to fix it:
I'm working on it. I need to pretend that candy isn't there. Or have some alternative snacks that make me just as happy. Because the candy isn't going away.

The problem:
Going out to eat too often. This is a big one lately. I can tell in the way my clothes fit AND in my dwindling bank account.
How I'm trying to fix it: 
This is always an issue about preparation for me. I need to make weekly menus and get in the habit of cooking again. I'm trying.

And the biggie:

The problem:
Negative self talk. This really needs no explanation, but it seems to be extra rampant as of late.
How I'm trying to fix it:
I'm not. And I know I need to be. My boyfriend tells me I have to give him a quarter for every time I do it. Sometimes he'll say "Give me a quarter" and I don't even know what I said that was negative. It's that mindless to me. I always feel like if I concentrate on this one, the rest will fall into place a little easier.

So there it is. Just a few things I really need to work toward. Oh, and blogging, of course. Next week, I'll make breakfast and water drinking my challenge. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Thanks for sticking with me. Oh, and here's a picture. Yes, it was taken at my best friend's wedding in March. Yes, like just a couple of months ago March.



Anonymous said...

You are back and I am sooooo glad. I am struggling with the candy jars and water issue too.
Thanks for reminding me I am not the only one.

Anonymous said...

SO glad to see you back--I've missed you!
You and your boyfriend make the cutest couple--thanks for sharing the picture.
Just keep on keeping on! I'll get in line with you on the drinking WAY too much diet coke, and not enough water--my swollen fingers and ankles tell that story!



Charlotte Marie said...

Love seeing a blog post from you again! We all fall off the wagon, but identifying little changes like you have is awesome. Good reminders for all of us! And great photo, btw :)

Kellynn18 said...

Welcome back, Erika! I missed your blog. I feel your pain on the motivation factor. I have been struggling with that lately too. I think it's great that you have identified what's getting you off track and have plans in place to deal with them. I know you can do it. And if you figure out how to end that whole negative-self-talk thing, you'll make millions!! Just remember all the people who love you :)

Amanda C. said...


You are such an inspiration whether you feel like you are or not at this point. I read your blog from time to time. I applaude you not only for pouring your heart out but doing it in such a public manner. I actually passed by you in the hallway the other day at Egleston and I was like "Ohh, is that who I think it is?!?" You're like a movie star to me :)

We all have set backs - this is just a tiny speedbump - you will be back on your way to eating healthy and knocking off a few more pounds.

The picture of you and your boyfriend are adorable. :)