Monday, April 21, 2014

Opposite of love

There's a pretty well-known quote I've read a few dozen times. I've seen it written a few ways, but the one that always stands out to me is this: "The opposite of love isn't hate. It's apathy."

Apathy. Apathetic. A-pathetic.

Last week in our Weight Watchers meeting, our leader, Dee, asked us to sum up our weeks in one word. I said I could sum up my week, my last few months, heck, maybe even the last year or so with one word.


And apathy is a scary word.

Apathy means not caring. Apathy means having a lack of concern. A lack of enthusiasm. A lack of feeling. Apathy is how I lived my life for a long time.

If I really, truly examined the word, I'd find that none of those things apply to me--and probably never have. Not deep down, anyway. But apathy makes for an easier mask than what I really feel: fear, disappointment, regret.

So apathy it is.

But the truth is, I really do care. I care that my clothes don't fit. I care that I'm not in as good of shape as I was. I care that I'm kind of miserable. I care that I never go back to the way I used to be.

However, caring doesn't get you anything. Unless you try.

One of the things I love about my Weight Watchers meetings is that some of them are about the recipes and tips and tricks we want to share. And some of them--my favorites--are like mini therapy sessions. That's how last week's meeting was. It seemed many of us were having a hard time. It's always hard to admit that I--once on my way to total Weight Watchers success--have been a lot less than successful.

But I don't want to be apathetic. I don't want to be a pathetic anything. So I have to try.

Surrounded by my WW friends, I stood on that scale for the first time in months while they applauded me (literally). It was hard to see that number (even though I knew what it would be). I'm sad about how far I've let myself go.

But I'm not apathetic. So I've tracked my points like a perfect pupil since Tuesday--and I'm feeling better. More in control. I have a lot of things that I need to get ready for this year--the biggest of which is my 40th (gulp) birthday.

And ain't nobody got time for an apathetic 40-year-old.

So I apologize. I may just be basically rewriting this blog as a beginner and going through the same things I did when I first started four (!!) years ago. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I mean, practice makes perfect, no?


Lisa Wiedmann said...

Honey, I love that it's not just me! You are not alone in taking 1 step forward, 2 steps back! I also need group support and accountability - and always will. Thank you for keeping it real and honest. You are STILL an inspiration! LOVE YOUR BLOG! Please continue to write and let us know how it's going. I'll keep you in my prayers!

Erika said...

Lisa, I met you once, but you for sure left a footprint on my heart. Thank you so much for your support, love, prayers and general awesomeness. :)

jj1991 said...

Stepping on the scale is scary and it is great that your did that. I always struggle owning my numbers but it helps if I do.
Please keep sharing your journey. It helps me more than you will ever know to know I am not alone with my struggles

Danielle said...

You know I get this. Apathy is easier to handle than frustration, anger, and like you said, disappointment. You're worth more than the number on the scale. I've found if I treat myself how I want to see myself and not based on what my current weight is I do a lot better. <3