Monday, May 24, 2010

Poetry of preparation

I was a Girl Scout for many years. So I know well the meaning of “Be prepared.”

Unfortunately, I ditched my Scout roots this weekend at the Ronald.

Usually when I stay at the House for the weekend, I bring my own food, just to be ready in case there are too many temptations. But this past weekend, I didn’t have enough time to get to the store before I headed to the House. And it cost me.

Normally there are ways for me to make healthy choices. We almost always have stuff to make salads, but there wasn’t even a speck of lettuce around. Instead, I have three words for y’all: hash brown casserole.

There are some temptations that are just too strong for me. Cheesy potato goodness ranks right up there. I’m disappointed in myself that I gave in to it, but I’m also looking at the positive. I used to raid the storage room (the one that’s full of all sorts of processed snacks and general yumminess) and bring several bags of whatever I could find into my room with me. Doritos, Cheez-Its, Oatmeal Cream Pies. You name it, I ate it.

So even though I did indulge in perhaps a little too much of the hash brown casserole for dinner Saturday (and, er, for breakfast and lunch Sunday), given my prior behavior, I’d still call this a win.

Let me make something clear. I’m in no way making excuses for my slip-ups. When I eat something I shouldn’t have, no one is harder on me than I am on myself. But the thing I try to remember is that since I began this journey in late February, I can count on one hand the time I’ve let things slide. It used to be every night. Every single night. Trapped in a prison of my own making.

So, no. I’m not perfect. Nor will I ever be. Giving in to all or nothing/black or white thinking is what got me in trouble in the first place. This is a learning experience and I get a new lesson every day.

I never want to let you all down. But I know, most importantly, I have to strive not to let myself down.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

You should not be too hard on yourself. You are actually succesfully DOING what many people sit around and think about doing! I am so proud of you! xo Beth

Anonymous said...

Your honesty in sharing your experiences is changing my life.

As I read, I'm thinking, I do that too. I'm also striving not to let myself down. Right now, the only person that I'm trying to lose weight for is myself. I can do something good for myself if I slip up and do something bad. For example for breakfast all I could find to eat was a small piece of candy and a cup of coffee...so to make up for it I'm drinking 2 bottles extra of water today. And tonight I'm going to try to learn a new yoga move, by reading up on it on the internet.

Thanks for what your doing for me and the other readers! You're terrific!

CD said...

You have to let yourself enjoy those things you love - in moderation - and your indulgence over the weekend was just that - don't be too hard on yourself - you have come so far and did not find yourself raiding the pantry!! That's awesome!! Way to go!! I think the hardest part is letting go of that feeling of, "I need to eat it all now so that I satiate this craving and won't touch it again..." That's what often gets me in trouble - and that's the voice inside that leads me to OVER indulgence. There will always be temptations - always stuff around that we like - so we need to get rid of this feeling of, "gotta have it now before it's gone..." Not sure if that's your epxerience or not - but I go through that from time to time...

Erika, you're doing GREAT! You're such an inspiration, truly.

Anonymous said...

I absolutely love this blog. As you summed up your mishap in three words, I can sum up your drive, motivation and conviction in just one - inspirational! It was also nice meeting you last week :) JK.

Emily Anne said...

So proud of you Erika! Thanks for motivating me and many others in many different ways :)

D.Stark said...

Girl you know I live just around the corner. You call me and say you need a salad from somewhere and I will deliver... I mean it. I feel bad for you and MBC sometimes because you have to feel somewhat trapped not being able to leave.

I can come to you! Just holler!

Anonymous said...

As long as you continue to have "forbidden" foods, you will see yourself as a failure when you slip.

I would like to offer you an alternative to this way of thinking.

No food is off limits.

I know, this is against every belief you have regarding food and fat. When you truly let go of the limiting belief that some foods are off limits, you are free to be truly human.

You don't have to DEPRIVE yourself. You want hashbrown casserole, then plan for it. Figure out the WW Points, and have a SMALL PORTION. Eat it consciously. Taste it. Put down your fork between bites. Use a baby fork so it lasts longer. Enjoy your food.

From someone who's gone from 308 to 140 and kept it off for seven years; this is how I do it.

We can all lose weight. We've lost and gained 100's if not thousands.

It's about the change for the long haul, and that only comes from changing your thoughts and beliefs about yourself and food.

Keep up the good work Erika. You are doing great!