Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Going to extremes

Every time the old me rears her head or stomps her foot in defiance, I know I have to tell you all. And I hate it. So I’m stomping my foot some more. But alas, here I am, head hung sheepishly in hands, to tell you all about my latest transgression.

This past weekend some of my best friends came to town and I had a little gathering. It was a lovely, low-key evening, filled with much food and exuberant girl talk.

I made a few main dishes and everyone brought sides. There was a LOT of food. At the party, I took a plate, filled it and never went back for more. I was completely satisfied with what I ate and spent my time talking, rather than grazing the table.

When everyone left, I begged them to take food home. No, you can’t leave the chicken fingers, I whined. I’ll eat them all. Take the cake! And for the love of all, take the Town House crackers. I’m powerless over them.

Good job, me, right? I felt good about my choices at the party. But fast forward just a couple of days later. You know what no one took home? The spinach dip. The spinach dip that I made, mind you, full of creamy (not a bit low-fat) yumminess that sits in a Hawaiian bread bowl of sweet goodness. And it was calling me from the fridge.

So I took a pinch or two. Then another. Then I decided to bring it over to the table while I was watching TV. Bad idea. Very bad. I knew I was losing control—and fast. So I folded up the tinfoil bowl and threw it away.

And here’s where I debated even telling you guys this. Because it’s really embarrassing. But I have to do this for myself and for anyone else who may have done this in the past. You already know what I’m going to say, right?

Yep. I went dumpster diving. For spinach dip. OK, it wasn’t a dumpster. It was a trashcan with a (relatively) new bag. But still. I walked past it. I thought about it. And then I threw myself with abandon at the trashcan to find my precious dip.

After I basically finished it, I felt awful—physically and emotionally. The old me was not above a little trashcan searching to find something I’d thrown away in an attempt to “be good.” But the new me leaves food on her plate. The new me feels satisfied with a reasonable amount of food. The new me does not eat from a trashcan like a city rat.

But for one evening, I reclaimed my old-me status. And the new me came here to tell you about it. I’m not proud, my friends. But at least I’m honest.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Look at it this way. Next time that urge comes on, you can remember how icky (technical term) you felt both physically and emotionally.... and fight it.

This isn't even a setback. Moving on.

Tracey said...

I agree with anonymous. That being said - I destroy food to prevent "dumpster diving". Next time, dump some water over it or otherwise ruin it.

Casa de Nagel said...

Immediately after beginning to reading your entry I think of my own little versions of ‘going to extremes.’

When I was in CA for Labor Day weekend I visited the See’s Candy Store. I bought several packages for
people to bring home and entire one pound box for our house. Of course when I say ‘our house’ I mean
ME as I am the one who asked the nice little lady behind the counter to fill said one pound box with all of
MY favorites. I didn’t think that I would actually consume the entire box myself. I had thoughts of sharing
these coveted caramel and buttery brown sugar milk chocolate covered squares.
Is it MY fault that no one came over?!?!?!

Needles to say, 10 days after being home and I ‘might’ have 4-5 left. I did laugh to myself one night after
getting a pretty bad stomach ache thinking of my mom saying, ‘You’re gonna make yourself sick if you
eat too much junk!’ Once again, Mom was right! Now back to you …

So, when I read “So I folded up the tinfoil bowl and threw it away.” I thought, ‘THAT WAS ALL?!” Come on!
As I read on, I have to tell you that I literally gasped loud enough for my cube mate to ask if I was okay.
My next thought was, ‘YAY! I’m not the only one!!!”

My WW leader asked me (after seeing what eating that box of chocolates did to my results for the week) if
I got it all out of my system; I assured her that I had. It was a good reminder to me of how yucky I feel
after reverting to old behaviors.

Yay for us!

Anonymous said...

Two words: "Garbage Disposal". If you have one of those, anything can be unavailable for consumption.

Dinah said...

Honey. The worst thing anyone can say about this is that it's the same thing Miranda did on Sex and the City once. Which isn't bad at all, but I've always tried to be a little more Samantha myself. Maybe 'cause she runs her own business & apologies for next to nothing. :)

Anonymous said...

Well, at least it was only spinach dip...that means you got at least one (and maybe more) servings(s) of the zero point veggies with all that spinach! :)

This is clearly a lapse...not a relapse...so no need to worry. It's all good.

Anonymous said...

I posted a picture on FB of J's birthday cookie cake that fell icing-side down after the toddler knocked it off the table. I picked it all up and cleaned the carpet ... and the next day started nibbling on it, cat hair be damned! Every bite, I was like, what am I doing what am I doing? I still can't believe I did that. I finally wadded up the rest of it, put it in the trash and dumped other trash on top of it so I would leave it alone.

Anon, who said that it's just a lapse and not a relapse, is smart.

Hugs!

Kellynn18 said...

I laughed out loud at this entry because I have been there myself. I shared your entry with my coworkers who also informed me that they had done the same thing at one time. You're sooooooo not alone!!

Anonymous said...

You are brave and honest. Thanks again for letting me know I am not alone.

Kate Stice said...

I hear you on this--- it sounds silly but a Lindsay Lohan quote from article a few years ago taught me how to deal with such thins (not that I always do it). "Once you finish, pour water on it." Detroy it, because otherwise you'll keep picking. I honestly did this in restaurants until I met my finace who is a disposal who can't gain weight- grrrr!

If you know you're going to feel guilty- get rid of it! And get rid of it by making it as unedible as possible :)

Anonymous said...

I've been guilty of this many times. I have to dump soapy water or other trash on it. It's gotten better with time but I still struggle.