All right, stop

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you all had a restful holiday with friends and family.

I was hoping to report to you today that I had reached my 90-pound loss. Alas, that was not meant to be. I lost .6 this week. I suppose I should be grateful to have lost at all during the holidays. I’ll take it.

I took the week after Christmas off. Because my gym is close to my office, I also took the week off of personal training. But I promised to work out at my apartment gym, and I’m happy to say that I did indeed make good on that. I went a few times, including Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve.

I did have one experience I wanted to share with you guys. One night I went out for a friend’s birthday—lots of yummy sushi. I had to stop by Walgreen’s on the way home to drop off a redbox movie. And all of a sudden, I felt this overwhelming urge to binge. I started walking around the store, so restless, trying to find something that could curb my cravings but not be terribly unhealthy.

But something made me reach for the Pringles. Ah, Pringles. It’s been ages since I had them. And all of a sudden I wanted them, with a capital W. They used to be one of my go-to binges. I’d sit on my couch, can of Pringles in one hand, container of sour cream in another. I’d dip and eat, dip and eat, over and over again. Mindless. Robotic.

I rushed home giddy with anticipation. I grabbed my container of reduced-fat sour cream and started doing it again. Going through the motions. Dip and eat, dip and eat.

Cue the needle on the record.

All of a sudden I stopped. What was I doing? I don’t eat mindlessly anymore. Where did this come from? I had had a triumphant shopping day (bought a size 16 pair of jeans. For the record, I was a tight size 24 this time last year) and I was ruining it.

So I did something I’ve never done before. I stopped—mid-binge. I actually hadn’t done that much damage—maybe about 15 chips or so. Throughout this journey, I’ve avoided binges. I’ve worked to forgive myself after I’ve had one. But I’ve never stopped in the middle of one. It made me realize how much more conscious I am now. Thank goodness.

I’d learned my lesson before. I knew I couldn’t just throw them away. So I poured my can of Diet Coke over them. Worried that wasn’t enough to keep me from them, I reached for a nearby bottle of Windex. Spritz-spritz. Bye-bye binge.

I am happy that I’m still having these a-ha moments. I know there’s always more to learn. And I’m grateful for every lesson that brings me closer to my goals.