Friday, January 20, 2012

Wagon of doom

See that wagon over there in the corner? Yeah. That’s the one I parked after I fell off of it.

Maybe it’s not working out. Maybe it’s not having my normal stamina. Maybe it’s a combination of both leading to me feeling sorry for myself and wanting to comfort myself with food. Either way, my weight is up, my self-esteem is down and I’m kind of over it.

Last week the doctor finally cleared me to sweat. I have been begging him for that pretty much since my surgery. I know that physically I’m not quite ready for high-impact stuff, but mentally, I need the release.

So last night, for the first time since mid-December, I got on the treadmill. I didn’t do anything fancy. I walked at a 4.0 pace with a slight incline. But I sweated. And it felt awesome.

Initially I was told that I couldn’t do anything high-impact for six weeks. This was my fifth week and I have an appointment next Thursday. I have a feeling I still won’t be ready, but at least now I know I have alternatives.

In the meantime, I need some inspiration. I need to do some planning. I need to go to the grocery store. And I need to stop eating like old Erika.

I haven’t gained a lot—maybe a pound or two according to my home scale. But I feel like I’m slipping a little. Also, the reason I only know what my home scale says is because I haven’t been to Weight Watchers in two weeks. I know, I know. Last week I had a work meeting I couldn’t miss, but this week I had no excuse.

So there are my confessions in a nutshell. But here are my promises for next week:
  •   I will plan meals 
  •   I will go to the grocery store
  • I will not eat fast food
  • I will do some sort of activity at least three to five days
There’s a start. I could use a pep talk or two, though. Because that wagon seems a little out of my reach.


Anonymous said...

To quote (..cough..) Peter Cetera, you're the inspiration.

I promise to get my (**radio edit**) out and walk at least four times this week if you do.

You are loved.

Anonymous said...

girl, get the rocky soundtrack on that ipod of yours! im telling you those songs from rocky get me back on my wagon.

you can do this. you have come so far. a little slip and slide here and there is totally normal.

in fact its expected of ANYONE on this kind of journey. it doesnt make you a failure, it doesnt make you weak. you havent let yourself down or anyone else down.

it makes you HUMAN. and more awesome than you already were before because you aren't wearing a mask and getting on here lying to us singing zippety-friggin-doo-dah out your butt. THAT is a victory right there, erika!! That you share it all. that you dont try to disguise the bad days with a fake smile.

there is a great victory in that! be proud of yourself. those few pounds you gained? screw 'em! in the grand scheme of all you have accomplished and all the hope you have given so many, including me, those pounds mean nothing. i love you. i believe in you. now get up and work your hot self. you're strong, beautiful, inspiring and you GOT THIS!

-katie aka girl on the fone :-)

Charlotte Marie said...

Sounds like you're taking great steps to get back on the wagon! Maybe try to plan a new healthy meal to get motivated to eat better again? It's always hard to get back into a healthy routine, but I know you can do it! Great to see you briefly yesterday!

Anonymous said...

Go easy on yourself! You have just gone through major surgery -- not only physical but psychological.

You have also come out of the "downtime" knowing how important your exercise is to your physical and emotional health. You WANT to exercise and get some of your energy and emotions "out" rather than stuffing them with food!

Such different thinking from a year ago.

Our promise is to always be here to support you in any way!

Love ya'


Flynnsight said...

The weather certainly hasn't helped! You look great, lady, and I'm always up for a walk around The Park if you want a midday mental escape. :-)

Anonymous said...

Google the effects of anesthesia. They can last for several weeks and mess with your head and make you feel depressed in ways that aren't even real. But you will gradually get past that and, when you do, you will be back to your normal self and ready to rock the exercise and healthy eating! We love you, Man!

Anonymous said...

Considering where you've been and where you are (and going) you have nothing to feel bad about.
Don't beat yourself up too bad. At least when you get back on the wagon you won't tip it over.
Many people are with you cheering you on and inspired by your story.
Thank you for inviting us into your journey. You go girl!!

Anonymous said...

Girl - don't beat yourself up. Life is UP and life is DOWN. Look at the UPs - you WANT to get back to eating right and exercising! You WANT to plan your meals and go back to WW. You can totally do it. It's SO easy to fall off the wagon and SO hard to get back on. But, you are awesome. Get back out there.