Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Pants on fire

Last week I promised you the following:
  •  I will plan meals 
  •  I will go to the grocery store
  • I will not eat fast food
  • I will do some sort of activity at least three to five days

I did...drumroll...none of those things at all last week. Not a one. To be honest, I'm not sure my motivation has been this low since I started all this. And I'm not sure how to get it back.

I have been back to Weight Watchers, at least. Last week, I found out that since my surgery, I'd gained 2.2 pounds. Hardly a catastrophe, I suppose. This week I lost .2. It's a loss. I'll take it.

We had a good little therapy session in WW this week. A couple of my fellow meeting-goers asked me why I had not blogged in a while. I was honest. I'm struggling. Still. And it's hard for me to admit that.

Things are, for the most part, going well in my life. I'm happy. I'm hopeful. But I'm eating.What's wrong with me?

People sometimes call me an inspiration. It's a term I've never been totally comfortable with--I don't feel very inspiring. Especially not when I'm feeling like I am now. And sometimes when I'm feeling like I am now, because of your kind words, I feel like I'm letting you down by telling you the truth.

The truth is that I can't get enough fried chicken (Chick-Fil-A and Zaxby's have been my drugs of choice lately). I haven't worked out but once since I was cleared to sweat. I'm feeling lazy and yucky and sometimes I don't even care.

So there. Truth.

The rest of the truth is that I'm trying to crawl back. Slowly but surely. Last night I was going to stop at Chick-Fil-A (again), but made myself go to the grocery store. It was the first time I'd been real grocery shopping since the beginning of December. Seriously.

So while I often find my motivation pretty easily, this time I'm having to force it a bit. First the grocery store. Next, the treadmill. After that? More blogging. I know that writing this blog and sharing my feelings with you guys is the key to my getting back on track.

Until then, if you see me in the hallway, feel free to smack me--Cher style--and tell me to snap out of it. Reality bites, but it helps.


Anonymous said...

Your honesty is amazing and refreshing and awesome. I am so sick of fake people faking their way thru life trying to fool everybody. That was ME! for so long. the other day someone who had not seen me in awhile asked me how are you? and i said, I am horrible. how are you? haha!!! but it was the truth!! so ok maybe i shoulda said fine but i couldnt muster up a fine in that moment cuz i just havent been.

I am a food addict. i struggle every day with it. it feels so damn good in the moment. and zaxbys is my go to place for food comfort. so i really understand it. i eat even when im happy. food just has always been such a struggle for me.

You are not letting anyone down when you speak your truth. in fact you really help me more than you will ever know. I love you.

Katie. Girl on the Phone :-)

Anonymous said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all fall down. The sooner you can get back up, the easier it will be. If you ever want to shop for healthy food and make it a kind of fun event, try going to the DeKalb Farmers Market after work one day. I will even be happy to go with you. Just let me know.
~Laura S. from WW

Nancy said...

I want to hear your downs and your ups - we're all human and only talking about the positives doesn't present the whole story. I DO think you're inspiring, especially when you share that it's not always easy or fun. You'll get back there, when you're ready.

Anonymous said...


Annie Mullins said...

Dude. Honesty and truth are so appreciated. You're an inspiration because you share your highs and your lows. Small steps - like grocery shopping. Then, like you said, tread mill. Heck, walk around The Park as a break and you'll rediscover your inner workout self. Don't beat yourself up. You are still a rock fact, music might help. Here's some of my favorite pick-me-ups:
Madonna - Vogue
Cindy Lauper - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Cake - Going the Distance
Destiny's Child - Survivor (remix, come on!)
Adele - Rolling in the Deep
Kanye - Stronger (I play it like 4 times in a row)

You are awesome.