I got a text from a friend last night.
"You haven't blogged since the 12th--what's up?"
There are a few answers to that question. But the most appropriate is the title of this entry. I'm just a little broken.
So, true honesty here. Last time I talked about being back on track. How I had attacked my Ronald weekend with gusto, despite my sad heart.
I avoided the cake. I ate so well. I was not going to let anything derail me. And then for a while, I didn't feel like eating at all.
Fast forward to this past weekend. All I wanted to do was stay in bed. And eat.
It wasn't pretty. It involved tears. Chips. Sour cream. Even Twinkies.
I'm not proud. But food is still where I turn when I am lost in my own emotions. I'm trying very hard to pull myself out of my darkness. This morning I dutifully made my spinach smoothie (this week involved one Chick-Fil-A breakfast morning and one McDonald's Egg McMuffin morning), which made me feel a little better.
This weekend I have plans with friends. More than that, I have plans to be good to myself. To grocery shop. Plan some meals. And stop beating myself up.
I hate that food is still such a part of how I deal with things--I started by restricting; I finished by bingeing. I hate that I've come so far, but am still so capable of sliding back.
But at least I came back. Thanks for the text, Dawn.
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13 comments:
You go girl. The best part of healing from a breakup is getting back to your (better & improved) self.
K from L.O.T.L
Your honesty has healing power for many! You're welcome for the text. Kindred spirits girlie!
Love you and am so proud of you. One day at a time on this journey of life.
XO- Big Hug!
Thinking of you! xoxo!
*hugs*
{{{hugs}}} I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. One step at a time--that's what I keep telling myself--sometimes the step is forward and sometimes it is back!
Sharon
Thank you for the honesty and definitely don't beat yourself up! No one is perfect and the person you already are is amazing!
I am proud of what you are doing! It will be hard to not back slide, but you are human! Don't beat yourself up about it!! You are doing great! What's that saying..."Rome wasn't built in a day"... Whenever I am feeling really down, I start to clean. Although I may be sad or whatever, I get so wrpped up in what I am doing that, my sorrow becomes joy beacuse I am being productive...
Erica, I have had a broken heart but think about Oprah. When a man shows you who he is ... believe him. Are you in love with the person or the dream of who you wanted him/her to be? Dating can be viewed as a "classroom" on selecting the final mate. Look at this past one as a classroom lesson to find the one who will you will feel safe and comfortable with enduring no pain.
HUGS to you, Erika. Thank you for your honesty. It's pretty amazing, actually - how honest you are- both with yourself and your readers. I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time - but time heals....hang in there.
Hang in there! Praying for strength & comfort!
Keep your head up Erika! Just think about all of your accomplishments. I am so proud of you!
Hugs
Marshia
Proud of you for blogging and being so honest! Hope this weekend brings rest and time to be good to yourself.
Erika - thanks for being transparent in your journey about your struggles and triumphs. I am amazed at what you have accomplished and you have so much to be proud of. You are a stronger and healthier you--keep it up!
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