Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Scale of tears

I should have listened to him.

On our first day of boot camp, our instructor spoke loud and clear: "Ladies, you might want to stay off the scale. You'll probably gain. You're turning your soft tissue into muscle. Your pants will feel looser, but the scale might not reflect that."

I should have paid more attention to him.

Instead, I stood on the scale this morning at Weight Watchers and promptly burst into tears when I found out I had gained .8 pounds.

No, .8 isn't a lot. But guess what? Last week I was up .8, too. I'm sore and tired and have worked SO hard, that to see that scale go up felt like a major defeat.

Maybe I am gaining muscle. Sometimes after a tough workout, my body really retains water, too. I don't know. But I know it was discouraging, despite the logical part of me who gets it.

I've been struggling a lot with discouragement lately, just in my life in general. Bless my friends who have been patient enough with me to deal with my sudden bursts of tears and general moodiness. I am trying so hard not to let my sadness and loneliness affect my food. For the most part, I'm doing OK. But I'm also wondering when the heck I'm just going to snap out of it. I'm trying.

I'm hoping eventually this hard work will pay off. For now, I'm going to keep sprinting and bear crawling and jumping up stadium stairs and crunching. I'm doing some mental exercises for my disappointed, discouraged heart, too.

I just wish I could be the positive person I think I used to be. It feels like it's been so long since I've seen her.


Anonymous said...

yeah my sister gained weight doing a boot camp and she was also hungrier than ever and ate more than she ever had before.Needless to say she stopped doing bootcamp. Do it for the mental aspect, I say. Just my opinion but I have heard those boot camps can make one bigger.

You are a gorgeous woman. Go gentle on your body. Yoga, eating right, your runs you started to do. You don't have to kill your body with hardcore exercise to see the results you want. However, I think the bootcamp is inspiring and motivating to one's soul and spirit just by knowing you can do it.

Best of luck always! You are fighting the good fight and whether you feel it or not you are winning!

Anonymous said...

The yoga idea above is a good one. And walking. Lots of whole fruit and fresh veggies too.

I also recommend a book called "When Food is Love" by Geneen Roth. It might help you come to grips with some of the emotional issues you have been facing even if you aren't into therapy.

You are beautiful and worthy of love. So many people love you, and someday soon, a good guy will find you and feel lucky that he did.

Nicole said...

I am in a love/hate relationship with muscle right now. I've been running four times a week for months and avoiding fast food my scale number grew. What?! It is such a discouraging thing. One person told me to not look at the scale but to measure myself instead. I never really had a baseline for that so I think I'll try. I'm not giving up though. I do feel better after the workout and the calories burned don't lie, right? We are being healthy with the workouts. Let's remember that. Also, you made me think about how I talk to Nia and Nate with the "where is positive Erika" thought. I ask them, "Where's my sweet Nate/Nia?" when they are being difficult. I worry I'm going to give them split personality or something! :) Just a smiley face thought for you, sweet friend.

Anonymous said...

I have never understood why women want to work out like men! The whole boot camp and cross fit thing I don't get. I have a friend who has done cross fit for years and her body doesnt look feminine any more. She's doing things that I imagine military men would do. and she looks bulky and over muscled. Not feminine and soft and curvy any more.

I have always said that weight loss is 80% what you eat. You can lose weight and have a beautiful figure by just watching everything you eat. Exercise is not necessary. Good for health but not necessary for a great body. When I watched what I ate and only did pilates as exercise my body looked better than it ever did. I had long lean muscles and a nice tone without being bulky or manly.

I never weigh myself. Only go by how my clothes feel. The number is meaningless

Anonymous said...

{{{hugs}}}, Erika! Can I just say that I hate the scale? There are times that I feel like my body has betrayed me because the number has gone up even tho I have had a "good" week--and then I hate myself--forgetting all the good things that I had done. It's just a number, but unfortunately one that the weight loss community focuses on.

Stooopid scale.

Sending you much love and positive thoughts.


Anonymous said...

I am doing bootcamp too and the same thing happened with the scale, however my clothes do fit much better. Those who say do not work out I do not think are correct. It is important for us as women to keep exercise in our routine for our health. Whether its bootcamp, yoga, or walking its doing good for you and your body.

Ana maria said...

I agree! Exercise is majority of the time a doctors prescription to living a long healthy life along with healthy eating. Whatever your workouts are that keep you moving and feeling great is what you should do. I love muscle over fat! My workouts vary every months I practice martial arts, lift weights occasionall, Zumba and I love to throw a Bootcamp in the mix for a further challenge. I'm not bulky with too much muscle but I do love he muscle and strength I have at almost forty with two kids. I love working out and I make time for it 6 days a week.