Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Dear you

Dearest, darlingest, screw-upiest Erika,

Look. I'm not going to coddle you. I know you. I knew you when you were more than 300 pounds and squeezing into a size 26. I knew you when you cried happy tears in the dressing room the first time you fit into those jeans you wanted. I knew you when you were sitting--actually, not even sitting, but just lying--on the couch, dipping your french fries into both mayonnaise and ketchup. I knew you when you stepped on the scale and raised your arms in triumph when you finally lost your 100 pounds. I knew you when you started this blog, scared to death to be vulnerable and honest with others, and mostly with yourself. I knew you when you couldn't walk up the stairs without breathing hard. I knew you when you finished your first and second months of boot camp. I knew you when you started dating. I knew you through your days of bliss and your days of heartbreak.


And I know you're better than this. Today, you gained again. Yeah, I know. It was .2. But it was a gain. Yesterday, you had to pass on an amazing opportunity for Weight Watchers because you haven't met your goal.


It doesn't matter that you're sad. It doesn't matter that you're tempted at the Ronald McDonald House. It doesn't matter that you're lonely. Or tired. Or bored. Or feeling hopeless. None of those excuses have helped you before. And none of those excuses justify what you are doing.

Nothing should be more important to you than your health. Can you imagine how it will feel to finally make your goal? Can you imagine what it will feel like to succeed again? Can you imagine what it will feel like to fit into single-digit sizes?

OK, maybe you can't. And maybe that's the problem.

You need to see yourself as a success. You kind of already are one, you know? You should start to believe that. Because the more you believe in yourself, the more likely you are to keep moving forward and not backward.

You can do this. You can. But quite frankly, you need to get your sh*t together.

It's time.

Much (tough) love,

The Erika who is seriously ready to get off this roller coaster.

P.S. Yes, you just had an entire conversation with yourself. Some of your readers may think you're a little crazy. It's OK. It's all part of the journey.


Anonymous said...

I changed the words around a bit to fit my own sitution but i read this to ME. to katie. who stays stuck in her own shit all the effing time and feels sorry for herself. Thank you for waking me up with this post, erika. do i think it was crazy? HELL NO. absolutly brilliant, my friend. you're awesome.

girl on the phone

Anonymous said...

Crazy like a fox, my friend.

Anonymous said...

I, too, can substitute my name in this post. Can't...because I'm not as brave as you.

Anonymous said...

The day you settle is the day food wins-NEVER SETTLE.

Anonymous said...

There aren't even words for how inspiring you are. Thanks for putting your vulnerability out there for those of us not brave enough to do the same.

cd said...

You can do this, ERika! Thanks for your amazing ability to share the depths of your struggles and triumphs with your readers - you are awesome!