Tuesday, November 20, 2012


Yesterday, someone called me 38. It hurt my feelings. But it only hurt because it was true.

Yesterday was my birthday. And yes, I'm 38. I still didn't need anyone to point it out, thankyouverymuch.

I'm not always a big fan of my birthday. I always miss my mom. I hate getting older. And somehow, I always end up feeling sorry for myself. That's kind of lame, no? Because as they'd say, it's better than the alternative.

I think that part of my birthday hate in recent years comes back to the regret I often talk about. I'm a year older. Why did I stop time for so long by wallowing in my grief and self-loathing?

But this year, I think I need to stop that. I think I need to look at how different my life is as opposed to, say, 10 years ago.

Ten years ago, I was still trapped and hopeless. I never, ever thought I'd be where I am today. Maybe I celebrated my birthday with friends or my family. But I'm sure I went home and got in my own little food cocoon--and there was a long time before the butterfly even thought to emerge.

I guess birthdays are a time to get contemplative. I think I'm just tired of my contemplative thoughts being negative. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I will say I'm thankful for another birthday. I am thankful for the people in my life.

And even though I sometimes like to dwell in regret, I won't do it this year. Because this year, I'm thankful that I'm me.

Sort of.


Anonymous said...

Happy Belated Birthday, Erika!!!
I love the fact that you are hanging in there, not giving up even when the going seems so tough. I'm so glad that you are able to see the progress that you have made so far--and you look amazing in your race pictures--just wanted you to know that!
Wishing you all good things for this next year!



cd said...

ERika - I don't think I wished you a happy birthday this year - and I'm so sorry!! Hope it was a great one! Great to see you today at the MS celebration - Can't wait to hang out next week!