Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Food envy

I've started back in earnest this week. This week. As in yesterday. And already I want to eat all the things.

I went to lunch with some co-workers. In an effort to be healthy, I had a side salad and a small cup of soup.

And you know what? I'm kind of mad at it.

I make myself laugh. I mean, I'm on Day Two. And I'm dying. But as I watched a co-worker eat a burger, and another eat tator tots (I stole one of those), I got mad at my body. Mad that I have to deal with this. Mad that I've already done this once and have to do it again. I hate it. I want to be that person who never has to watch what she eats. Who never has to worry about exercise or whether something will fit.

But I'm not that person. And I've got to start accepting it.

So. Today at Weight Watchers, I weighed in—and I'd stayed the same from last week. This is a blessing. Trust me. I didn't have the greatest week food-wise. I felt a little under the weather, so I didn't really exercise. So I didn't really earn a loss.

Next week will be different. Even if I'm mad. I'm on it. It's 2015. I'm getting married in 2015. And I'm not about to do that with regret.

Even a burger and tator tots isn't worth that, right?


joflow said...

Have you or have you considered going to Overeaters Anonymous, or a similar Anonymous group? I only mention it because it seems like many of the issues I hear talked about in another Anonymous organization I'm familiar with. I know people who are in both groups and talking to them there's quite a bit of crossover. Your post today made me think of something I read recently. Just substitute "eater" or "overeater" or whatever for "drinker".
No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.
(emphasis mine)

Erika said...

Hi Joflow. :)

Thank you for the thoughtful comment. I've never attended OA, though before I started this blog, I once got to a parking lot of a meeting--just never went in. I have, however, been to AA with a loved one, and I totally agree with you. I sat there the whole time thinking that even though alcohol is not necessarily my issue, I could relate to so many things the attendees were sharing.

I've known for a long time, and especially through writing this blog, that I will never lose weight just by healthy eating and exercise. For me, it's about much deeper issues, which I try to talk about in therapy, as well as here (although not as much as of late).

But thank you for bringing up OA...it might be smart for me to revisit that idea.

Jewel Maven said...

Erika, I started (in earnest) on Jan. 6th. Those first few days (and still today, if I'm honest) were terribly hard! I just love to eat good food! I made a pot of chicken vegetable soup. It was all healthy and I felt good about it - until I just wanted to eat the whole pot instead of just 1 serving! My husband had pizza, and I have to tell you I nearly scratched his eyes out for doing that to me. I stole a bite and blamed it on the cat. (I don't think he bought it.) I didn't end up eating the whole pot, and I felt happy about that since I did end up eating half of it!

I'm doing the online Weight Watchers because there's not a meeting close enough to be convenient for me. I've been doing some home cooking, but that's kinda laborious for me at times. I have been filling the gaps with Weight Watchers frozen foods. At least it helps with my portion control. The "free" fruit has been my savior so far. *she says crunching into a red delicious apple* I'm not overeating the fruit, but it seems to be helping with keeping me full so I don't binge.

I sincerely vowed to try to make this a lifestyle change and not just a "diet". I've made that same vow more than once. This time I am actually working on making it stick. You , my dear sweet Erika, are part of my plan! (No pressure!) I have such a hard time keeping motivated, that I know I have to focus on that issue most of all. I know that's where Meeting Goers have the advantage. I hope you are going to be my muse of weight loss. (MOWL) I might even make you a MOWL t-shirt if you prove to be beneficial to me. :) If you haven't figured it out yet, I find myself to be very hilarious! I love your sense of humor and that's one of the reasons I decided to stalk you... I mean, become a subscriber of yours.

I have lost 3.5 pounds so far. That's pretty great for a week and a half. I intend to start some sort of physical exercise - maybe next week.

P.S. The WW mini cheeseburger slider that brought me to your door is my little guilty pleasure! I love it.

Erika said...

You crack me up, Jewel! I'm happy to be your MOWL. And I also enjoy that the words sounds like one of my cats who needs food. ;)

I always have those li'l cheeseburgers on hand!