A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about my ego. Don't worry. It's still raging out of control.
But now I'm finding a new angle to it:
Embarrassment.
When I was at the Ronald this weekend, a few times (or more) I mentioned hitting my 75-pound milestone that week. People were extremely kind and complimentary when I told them. There were lots of "wows" all around, which is always nice.
Then I started really thinking. I've lost more than 75 pounds. An accomplishment? For sure. But also something that reminds me of how far out of control my life had become. Because yes, I've lost 75 pounds. But I'm not finished, either. And that's kind of embarrassing.
I wish I didn't think so much about what others might be thinking. I should just let their compliments be enough. I shouldn't analyze between their words. I keep thinking that deep down they might be thinking, "Wow, she lost 75 pounds and she's still that big?"
I've made it no secret how much heavy I was (OK, there is the secret of my starting number. But maybe one day I'll tell you. Or maybe not). But to lose 75 pounds means I still had to be 75 pounds heavier. When I hopefully lose 100 or even more, well that means I had to be 100 pounds heavier. It still makes me sad that I let it go so far.
But that's in the past, and I am continuing to remind myself that I don't live there anymore. I'm all about the future--looking ahead to the person I'm going to be, and reminding the person I used to be that I'm worth all of this.
About Me
- Erika
- I'm a food addict. Weight Watcher. Wife. Friend. Fundraiser. Lifelong writer. Lover of pop culture. Collector of kitchen gadgets. Loser of 130 pounds. Unfortunate regainer of (thankfully) a few dozen fewer than that. Hopeful goal-reacher. Constant oversharer.
9 comments:
Don't analyze everthing, Erika....you are doing great!! And don't worry about what other people are thinking....who cares what they think. The real deal is that they probably have their own problems and they only wish that they could DO something about the problem....you can, so keep it up!! You can slay your dragon, most people don't get the chance!!
Do it for all the people who wish it was as easy as exercising and eating right!! Love you, Kate
Loosing 100, 75, or even just 10 pounds means you have something that so many people struggle with: determination, will power and self control. Even on the days where you loose it, you still get it back. The ppl who look at you and say oh wow she used to be 75 pounds heavier yikes (1. only live in your head) and 2. honestly are amazed how far you have come and what a success story you have made for yourself.
No matter how big or small your blog readers are, you are an inspiration to us all!!! Keep it up Erica, we are all going through this journey in some way or another with you. XO
best advice I've ever received and now live by:
Don't should on yourself!
encourager of awesomeness,
a.bo
If we knew then, what we know now, we would have done things differently.
But we didn't, and here we are.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. (Loise Hay)
You are doing great! I'm saving my size 10's for you ('cause I'm a 6 now.)
Don't forget to enjoy the person you are now....and you are fabulous!
I think you're forgetting what 75 lbs. looks like.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2386654
It's incredible what you've done and what you're continuing to do!
When I look at you in Zumba class I'm thinking "Wow, she looks great! I can do it too!" Those of us who follow you are behind you every step of the way. I couldn't have lost these 30 pounds without reading your blog and realizing I am not in this by myself. I had the same thoughts but seeing someone else put it in words makes me stop being so hard on myself. We have come a long way and still have a way to go. Keep up the good work Ericka!
Erika, don't worry about what anyone says. People will talk at 50, 75lbs lost or whatever your goal is. Heck, people talk about others who weigh 125 lbs! Your journey is about you. BTW, I saw you across the Park the other day and you looked FABULOUS! I'm waiting for you to say "yes" to a cycling, Blast or hiking invitation. :-) Jai
Jessica you've discovered that you can choose what direction you want your life to take and the person that you want to be. The motto that I live by is "As you think so you are" and you're a prime example of this way of thinking. Keep becoming the woman you want to be.
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