Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Happy meal

In February 2010, I wrote my first entry in this blog:

Most people eat food.

Me? I eat my feelings.

It was my first time admitting my food addiction to anyone who wasn’t a licensed therapist. They were bitter, harsh words that hurt my heart a little to write. But they were the impetus that led to changing my life in ways I never thought possible.

Today I wanted to start my entry the same way.

Most people eat food.

Me? I eat my feelings.

Because that statement is still true. In fact, that statement may always be true.

I’ve had a lot of success through this journey toward a better me. I’ve had some moments of weakness, too. I’ve tried to learn from it all.

My latest lessons kind of smacked me in the face. For so long, I blamed my food addiction on my grief over my mother’s death. I blamed it on loneliness. Sadness. Pain.

What I’ve learned, though, is that eating my feelings isn’t limited to just the unhappy ones. Maybe it’s that I never really learned to process my feelings—good, bad or otherwise. I just turned to food. I’m struggling with that now.

Good things are happening (exclamation points added for emphasis):

I’m in a relationship with the sweetest guy who tells me I’m beautiful and appreciates me for who I am!

*Swoon* *Eat* *Kiss* *Eat* *Giggle* *Eat*

My best friend just got engaged!

*Squeal* *Eat* *Plan* *Eat* *Admire bling* *Eat*

I’m finally able to work out again after surgery!

*Cardio* *Eat* *Avoid gym* *Eat* *Sweat* *Eat*

See? Good things. And yet, I’ve been eating. Fast food. Krispy Kremes. Candy. Cheese. It reminds me I am indeed an emotional eater—and those emotions don’t have to be sad ones.

Today, though, I decided to go back to the beginning. Back to when I felt inspired and excited about my journey. I’m determined that 2012 will be the year I reach my ultimate goals. I weighed in today. I knew it would be rough. I’m up 2.4 pounds.

But not for long. This is me. Erika is Losing It 2.0.

Watch me.


Anonymous said...

2 thumbs up!!!

Jenny (KC) said...

100 thumbs up! You're still killing it, darling...no need for 2.0 anything - it's all part of the same amazing journey. You continue to be such an inspiration. Many, many, many kisses.

Anonymous said...

Great post! I am such an emotional eater, so I know exactly what you are talking about! Thanks for always keeping it real! Here's to a successful 2012 for all of us on this crazy weight loss journey!


Anonymous said...

Having someone in your life is wonderful, but sometimes that makes it harder to stay on track with the eating. You have to figure out whole new strategies to keep yourself from eating the wrong things too often. I'm not blaming him, it just happens. Let us know if you can come up with ways to work that out because the rest of us with partners could use some too!

Anonymous said...

Always love your true thoughts. I'm right there with you on the emotional eating (good or bad). Awesome post as always! MR :)

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