Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Damage control

The damage has been done.

Today, I tucked my tail between my legs and headed back to Weight Watchers. It's been three weeks since I showed my face in a meeting. Three weeks of terrible eating. Three weeks of old Erika rearing her ugly, sad head.

I knew it would be bad. I was right. I gained 6.8 pounds.

There it is. The number in black and white, now written for all eternity in my Weight Watchers weight log.

But things are looking up--at least a little. I'm trying to climb my way out of the dark. Saturday I went to the Silver Comet Trail and started (in earnest this time) the Couch to 5K program. I did my second day yesterday and faced one of my biggest fears--running on the treadmill (I can walk on a treadmill all day long, but with running, I have a fear of  tripping and flying off the back--I managed to stay upright, at least).

For the past two days, I've tracked my food diligently. So, I'm trying.

I was saying today in my Weight Watchers meeting--and I may have blogged about this before--that there was a time in my life where food served its purpose. Maybe my compulsive overeating protected me in some ways when my mom died. Maybe it stopped me from doing other things to harm myself. I don't know.

What I do know is that overeating no longer makes me feel better. It no longer comforts me. It makes me feel worse--physically and emotionally. And right now, I just don't need anything to make me feel worse.

I'm trying to remember that when I want to swing by Zaxby's, or pick up a Big Mac. Those things will not help me feel less sad.

And this too shall pass.


Wendy said...

I rarely post comments on blogs because I read them via RSS, but I just had to come here and say YOU ARE AWESOME. So many people would have let that 3 weeks turn into 3 months and then a lifetime of returning to bad habits, but you were strong enough to nip it in the bud. You can do this.

Anonymous said...

I am so proud of you, Erika. Be proud of what you have accomplished. You are well on your way to victory. I have never stopped believing in you and I never will. You continue to inspire me daily.
Love you

Katie "girl on the phone" :-)

Anonymous said...

You rock!!

cd said...

ERika - you are so inspiring - like Wendy said at the top - 3 weeks could grow into something far longer - but you are ahead of it - you are aware of yourself - and you're doing GREAT! Keep it up!