Jesus be a fence

"Jesus, be a fence." It's a prayer a friend of mine said once when referring to a person she was trying to avoid. It cracked me up at the time, but I admit that I have used it numerous times since then. A text from an ex: "Jesus, be a fence." A former high school frenemy I randomly see in Target: "Jesus, be a fence."

Last night, it was frozen pizza.

First of all, let's start from the last time I blogged. It's not fair for me to just carry on like nothing has happened since we last spoke. That wouldn't be the truth. So let's, in bullet form, get some updatin' done, shall we:

• I have completely slacked on my program.
• Fast food and I have re-acquainted ourselves in horrible new ways.
• I have a boyfriend I adore (but I learned my lesson and won't be posting any pictures for a loooong time. You guys remember how that went last time, right?).
• Having a boyfriend who doesn't always make the healthiest choices (I mean, come on, he's a boy--he can get away with that) is a new challenge I have to overcome. 
• I spent most of my holiday break sick. And when I'm sick, I eat. And eat. 
• My official bridesmaid's duties have begun--my best friend's wedding shower was last weekend, and, because she is from Wisconsin, it was resplendent with cheese. Glorious cheese. You'll probably see lots of upcoming posts about events and festivities surrounding the wedding, which is in March.
•  I weighed in yesterday for the first time in months. It was not good. All together, I'm probably up a good 15 pounds from my lowest weight.
• I'm trying very hard to make a new commitment. I asked my WW leader, Dee, to give me a new weight record, rather than look at the gain from my last one. I needed to start fresh.

So there you go. Updated. Most of it is negative, I realize. But I'm trying very hard to refocus. It's hard when I've basically ignored my health for the past few months.

But back to that frozen pizza.

Last night, I decided I wanted to have a "Last Supper." I should have known better. That's old-Erika mentality. It's diet mentality. I can't be that way anymore. And I know that. But still, so I did.

I bought some crackers (hello, Chicken in a Biscuit. Have you ever? Yum.), some spreadable cheese. And a frozen pizza. Of course.

I preheated my oven. I unwrapped the pizza. And it was freezer burnt. Well, I'm certainly not one to let a little possible food tainting daunt me. So I cooked it anyway. When I took it out of the oven, it didn't look right. Rather than bright red and tasty looking, the pepperoni was gray and sad. And rancid. I was forced to throw it away.

Jesus, be a pepperoni fence.

Now, I don't know if Jesus has the time or not to care about whether or not I ruin myself with frozen pizza, but I'm grateful that some greater force made me stop and ask myself what I was doing. I opted for my Smart Ones Mini Pizzas that I had in the freezer. And you know what? They were just as good.

From hence forth, I'm am committing to a few things (Yay, positive bullets!):

• Blogging twice a week.
• Updating the Erika is Losing it FB page every day.
• Some form of physical activity (even if it's just a walk around my office park) daily.
• Tracking my food and consciously working to make better choices.
• Drinking the recommended amount of water (this has never been a problem for me, but boy have I slacked in this area).

I'm hoping 2013 is the year I meet my goals. I think I said that in 2012, too. I didn't make that happen. But no one has the power here but me. I fall down and I get up.

But this year, I'm hoping to stay up.

What are your commitments this year?